You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
