you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
