He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
