just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
