I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
