All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
