Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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