The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
