You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
should my penis look like a turkey
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
