How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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