just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm passing your future prison.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
