Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
