apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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