you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
