evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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