First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
