eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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