i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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