i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
