can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
