it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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