i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
