Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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