I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
