***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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