i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your penis caused this!
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