I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize