i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We left an ass print on the piano.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
