didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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