so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
