i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize