My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
