I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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