If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
pop tarts are not kleenex
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize