Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
