I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I won the penis lottery.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
