If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This is classic penis vs brain.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
