Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
