A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
