I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
