Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
