both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
