last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
