This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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