We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
