her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
