i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
