It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
