Dual....:-)
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
