i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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