Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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