great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
