I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
