How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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