i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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