I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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