My cat gives me a boner
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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