Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
