the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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