Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
