I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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