I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
