Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize