last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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