Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
