I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
