The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize