he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
