I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Is it because I queefed?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Damn victory sex feels great
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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