it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize