Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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